It Won’t Last Forever

“It was the usual grey morning. I open my eyes to a new morning, but within me there was just no motivation to get up. A mental list ran through my mind about all the things I needed to get done. I got the strength and forced myself out of bed. I knew that I had two little girls who needed to get ready for school. I knew I needed to nourish my body with a good breakfast. And I knew I had to get ready in a few hours to go to a prayer meeting. The Lord knew I needed the strength to put on yet another mask so people did not think that there was anything wrong.

By the time I got to the prayer meeting, I put on my usual smile. I wondered if anyone has ever tried to fake the sparkle in the eyes. The sparkle in the eyes always makes the smile more believable. A sigh of relief was present when the prayer meeting ended. No one could see I was dying inside. And that’s a good thing. After all, I am a Sunday School teacher, expected to always teach the children in a very joyful manner.

At dinner time, the two kids decided to test my patience. To my husband, it was just like any other day. To me, it felt like my world exploded. I felt a panic attack grabbing me by the neck. I rushed out and tried to breath. I broke down in tears and saw that as the sign that the panic attack was over. Very exhausted I returned to the house and grabbed one of my pills.

Little did I know that I would have one of my worst panic attacks yet. My husband and I start with a minor disagreement while the kids were sleeping. To him, it was just another day being married with it’s usual difficulties. To me, it felt like a life or death situation. I felt another panic attack surfacing and run outside, yet again. This time, when the crying started, it wasn’t the end. I came into the bedroom and felt all the stress boiling over. I went to the bathroom as I felt like all hope was lost for my life. I started banging the door. But it didn’t ease the pain. I started punching my fists into my legs. But it didn’t ease the pain. I finally stopped all of my attempts to ease the pain. As I broke down and lied on the floor, my husband opened the door and picked me up. He brought me to the bedroom and read the Bible to me.”

This is only a small look inside only one day in my life. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks and OCD symptoms seem to run my life on a daily basis. The intrusive thoughts torture me multiple times a day. Unrealistic fears keep me imprisoned. And the world…the world doesn’t know.

With all of this said…hi. I’m a Christian. I have a Spirit filled walk with God. I’m a Sunday School teacher, encouraging children to follow Christ.

One could look at this and view it as an impossible math problem. Something just doesn’t add up.

Though I know what people might think, I’m doing this blog to expose the plans of the enemy. My worry is, why aren’t everyone talking about this? Why stay silent when people can be made aware. The more people we have praying for us, the more the plans of darkness will being shaken.

With this I want to add something really important. The world wants us to cope with this, God wants to save us from it completely. THIS WON’T LAST FOREVER! Even though I force myself to put one foot in front of the other, I know that God is in control. Even though many things in my life has changed in order to prevent more stress in my life, God is still the same.

We need to WANT to get better. God does the rest! Don’t settle for this! No person on earth can suffer this much! Life comes with its trials, but this…this is torture!

Why not take a stand today: a stand against the plans of the enemy. Don’t be satisfied with your current situation. It’s easy to become discouraged when thinking about the step of faith you need to take. The truth is, you only need simple faith. As simple as “God, I know You know a way out of this!”

Be encouraged today! Your identity isn’t defined by what you are struggling with. You are not your depression or your anxiety. You are a child of God going through a very rough time. And that just might be the secret to all of this. Having a mindset that this is only temporary! We need to pray for each other!

The God that raises the dead, the God that created the world just be the spoken word and the God who makes something out of nothing, is the same God who sees you! HE SEES YOU! He knows your thoughts, fears, emotions. More importantly – He knows you! Allow yourself to be placed in the palm of His hands. HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING!