Introduction
Over performance is a common symptom lingering in people who suffer from various Mental Health conditions. It specifically relates to people who had to fight for love or acceptance or even people who have the fear of failure. This also affects their lives as Christians, because their minds are wired to do so. It is their belief that God’s love works in the same way. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
If Christians can learn about the character of Christ, we will quickly learn that God is different from people. Meaning, that He is not the same as the people who caused us to fight for love or acceptance. He is not the same as people who made us fear failure.
What is the goal of this study?
The goal is to get Christians to slow down and accept the unconditional love of Christ.
By application of psychology and Scripture and the common thread in both of them, Christians with the tendency to over perform because of their fight for love and acceptance, will be able to develop a healthy mindset. They will be able to maintain a balance in their life and become obedient to the Word of God with the right intention.
What psychology says
It is so important to look at the intention of the over performance. Giving it one’s best can be a healthy way to achieve the goal.
But when the intention is due to an underlying struggle, it can quickly become an insecurity. Resulting in the action of over performing.
Once the intention becomes toxic, the action will produce very toxic and unhelpful consequences. It can lead to burn out. It can also lead to finding acceptance in the wrong places and not being able to distinguish false love from true love.
That is why it is so important to work through trauma that caused it in the first place. Or to find the underlying cause, whether trauma or not and work through it as well.
How does Scripture relate to psychology on this matter and vise versa?
The most important example we received on a balanced lifestyle, was with the life of Jesus. In the Gospels, we see Him prioritizing rest and time with His Father above all. His life on earth was unhurried and uncomplicated. He lived a life of obedience and out of love for His Father and not out of the fight for acceptance and love.
We also find that the Father’s love is not the kind that only pretends to love us, but was proven through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ. Therefore, there is no need to over perform as though God only loves us when we obey. His love is unconditional. And Jesus was sure of His love.
John 3:35 The Father loves the Son, and has given all things into His hand.
John 5:20 For the Father loves the Son, and shows Him all things that He Himself does; and He will show Him greater works than these, that you may marvel.
John 15:9 As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.
John 17:24 Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory which You have given Me; for You loved Me before the foundation of the world.
Jesus’ obedience could never be out of insecurity. Jesus was never insecure. He Himself proclaimed to the world who He is, because He knew His position. He knew His purpose.
Luke 19:9 And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because he also is the son of Abraham. 10 for the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost.
Mark 1:38 But He said to them, “Let us go into the next towns, that I may preach there also, because for this purpose I have come forth.”
John 6:38 For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent me.
We do not see any form of seeking acceptance from Jesus. Not from the Father and certainly not from people. He knew He was loved by the Father and did not need acceptance from people.
We are to imitate that which is good and wholesome. But Christians are not made of stone. Real life steps in and the sinful condition of man causes others to hurt. Whether it is an absent parent or one who only showed approval for performance. But whatever the reason, an underlying struggle can be the toxic kind if the intention is to fight for love and approval. That is why we are urged to help each other and support each other.
But above all, to seek the council from the Word which gives truth and nourishes the soul.
What application can be done to develop a healthier intention for obedience and break the habit of fighting for acceptance and love?
- At the root it would be helpful to understand your position in Christ.
- A study of God’s love will also be very helpful.
- Working through the underlying struggle with a professional or your Pastor will definitely be a priority.
- Creating a routine could be a direct help to cut off any extra performance from your day-to-day.
- Identify people in your friendship and family circle who expect you to over perform for their acceptance and keep them at a distance.
- Study the balanced lifestyle of Christ and develop an imitation of that.
- Write down any unhelpful thoughts and identify if they cause you to over perform and fight for acceptance.
- Identify your goals and calculate healthy time to spend towards them.
- Continue studying Scripture and receive its council for your life.
Conclusion
It’s always a good thing to spend your time achieving goals. But over performance and fighting for acceptance and love is unhelpful and toxic. Psychology proves there might be an underlying struggle, and Scripture provides us with the remedy. Application of it can develop and restore a balanced lifestyle. One that honors God and one where obedience is out of love and not fear.